


the irony of choking on a lifesaver

by amsves



Category: DARLING In The FRANXX (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, Episode 23, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 02:44:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15133373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amsves/pseuds/amsves
Summary: It was ironic, and Alpha had never been fond of that concept.[Nine Alpha's last moments before his sacrifice are spent in introspection.]





	the irony of choking on a lifesaver

The initial link with Hiro was smooth and quick (and only a little uncomfortable), but the journey into deep space was long. Too long. It gave Alpha too much time to reflect on recent events.

It was ironic, and Alpha had never been fond of that concept.

Irony implied a misunderstanding of the facts, and misunderstanding implied mistakes. Mistakes were not something that the Nines made.

Until now.

Or, rather, they simply hadn’t  _ noticed _ their mistakes until now. Thinking Papa was the one to be served above all else? Mindlessly slaughtering Klaxosaurs only because of a desperate need to prove themselves? Believing they were anything special, anything redeemable, anything other than failed clones of Iota frantically seeking a new purpose before they could be tossed aside

Oh, the irony, that their object of worship had ended up tossing them aside after all. 

What happened to be more ironic, even, than their god abandoning them and their former enemies being the key to salvation, was that Alpha ended up riding with Hiro. 

Hiro, the Stamen with Klaxosaur blood. Hiro, the “darling” of Iota. Hiro, the one who dared to challenge Papa’s plan for the Parasites. Hiro,  _ that _ Hiro, had been the one to pilot with Alpha, and even the one to teach  _ him _ something. Alpha, the Parasite who rejected humanity’s follies in all their forms--gender, reproduction, emotion. Alpha, the clone who embodied Papa’s will. (Alpha, the one left alone, rotting in a hospital run by normal Parasites.) Alpha,  _ that _ Alpha, had learned a valuable, if cutting, lesson from Hiro about humanity, and what it means to  _ fight _ , to  _ believe _ , to  _ want _ . 

_Fighting_ wasn’t new--fighting was old, fighting was all the Nines had ever known--but fighting for a reason other than blind devotion was new. Fighting for what you _believed_ _in_ was new, and Alpha could see why humans had fought each other unceasingly in the past. Fighting to defend what you loved and thought right was rather intoxicating. 

_ Believing _ was new, too. There was a difference between thinking a set of facts to be true because they were the only facts available, and thinking a set of facts to be true because you had tested them against other available facts, and had determined that these were the true ones. Starved for information they didn’t realize they were lacking, the Nines had accepted Papa’s claims as true without batting an eye, and it was incredibly depressing to see how badly they had been deceived all along. This new belief--in comrades, in the future--was uplifting. 

_ Wanting _ was the strangest of all, because Alpha had experienced want before. It was a visceral longing for something visible yet unattainable, exhibited in his struggle with the want and yet lack of Papa’s appreciation for as long as he had been alive. It was the deep-seated irritation that Iota would choose the experimental Squad 13 over the Nines, and the yearning for her to return to her rightful place and cast aside Hiro and the rest. But this was a want of a different kind. Specifically, this was wanting many things at once, some of which might be directly contrary. Alpha wanted for humanity to win, and he wanted to fight for their win, but he also wanted to have a purpose outside of fighting, even though he knew where he belonged. He wanted to die in an honorable way, and he wanted to join his fallen comrades in whatever stage was next, but he also wanted to cling to life until the last possible second, not willing to give up any of his little remaining time. And, most importantly, he wanted everything to go back to the way it had been before, when he was still steeped in denial and ignorance and things were just easier, but he also didn’t want to forget any of the things that had happened. Papa’s betrayal, Delta’s death, they were all important moments in his personal history, and Alpha wanted to brand them on his skin in order to remember them as long as he lived.

Which wouldn’t be long at all, actually. 

Spending his last moments with Hiro wasn’t the ideal, but it certainly wasn’t the worst. Hiro was  _ interesting _ , and Alpha felt himself becoming more human simply by being around Hiro. This time last year, he would have thought that was a bad thing, a terrible curse to be had, but now … things were different. There were more pressing concerns than exhibiting emotions and expressions of gender, primarily because Alpha was one of only three persons left who saw those as bad things. 

There was no place for him in this new world the Parasites were creating. It would not be his home. His home was here, in the fight, amidst the fray. 

It was better to go out this way, aiding the fight, than crumbling into dust on Earth from lack of maintenance. Better to choose the warrior’s death over the coward’s. Fighting was what he had been born for, and fighting was how he would die, even if it was for the opposite side. 

Alpha sighed. Things had gotten so complicated lately.

Hiro must have noticed his internal distress, as intimately connected as they were, but he didn’t say anything. Alpha was glad. There was nothing he could have said. 

And then, all of a sudden, his period of introspection came to an end. The fighting began. They approached the Strelizia Apus. Alpha pried open the entrance and threw Hiro inside. “Meeting you guys helped me learn a little about being human,” he said, the faint smile on his face obscured by the metal frame of his Franxx. “But my home is the battlefield, and nowhere else.” He paused, then added, “Say hi to Iota for me.”

Hiro protested, but Alpha knew there was no other path for himself. It was his time. It was a pity his lessons had been learned so late; he would have preferred time to exercise his newfound knowledge, and possibly learn more from the interesting Stamen, but that simply wasn’t meant to be. “It’s been kinda fun, I guess.” He laughed at himself. Those were his last words? What a blasé attitude, for someone about to die. 

And then he wasn’t laughing anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Nine Alpha died and took all my hope for this series with him. 
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://skeletoncloset.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Title is from the All Time Low song of the same name.


End file.
